Waiting to Exhale
You ever feel like you're one more gray hair away from a breakdown? I like to believe I’m a patient person, but my patience must have ran out or something.
Before heading to Phoenix, I had become a robot knowing that I needed change. Most days, I would go to work, come home, and fall asleep without eating because I was so drained from my job and/or a “rhymes with cluck” boy trying to make an appearance in my inbox. They say you can’t pour from an empty cup and boy is that accurate. I was beyond empty. I didn’t have anything left to give myself. I would wake up, say my prayers and read my bible, per usual, and then declare a great day. However, every morning, I would cry my way to work. I mean ugly cry, the kind that leaves your eyes swollen, the kind of cry that has snot and tears racing to the bottom of your face. The kind of cry that leaves it hard to breathe, feeling like you’re hyperventilating.
I stopped listening to the radio because the fine sounds of trap music could no longer save me from the agony and the headache of my employer. I needed a supernatural power to keep me from the breakdown where I was headed. By exit 17, I would have to pull it together and remind myself to be positive. In the words of my favorite rapper, “Nobody built like you,” is what I would tell myself. By nature, I couldn't let them see me sweat. With all positive vibes back, I would pull into the parking lot, see my boss’s car, and feel every ounce of hope for an amazing day fly right out of my sunroof. The crazy part is I would see my coworkers to my left and my right mentally preparing themselves also. [red flags]
Phoenix was my escape from that reality. It was my moment of clarity, my breath of fresh air. My objective was to exhale like Whitney did in the movie before Kenya came scurrying up to Lionel talking about, “you haven’t danced with me all night,”…Girl if you don’t twirl on somewhere!
Disclaimer: My exhale was from my reality not from finding the right man (I already know my perfectly crafted husband will fall from the sky and say the magic words….duh)
Traveling with friends is fun but traveling is way more exciting when your friends are up for doing "once in a lifetime" things like watching the sunrise at the Grand Canyon. We didn’t check into our place until about 2am which left us about 20 minutes before we had to hop in the car for a road trip to the rocks (hence all of our tired, bare faces). Tiredly we cruised through the mountains on a two-lane road with no lights. At this point, I might be able to sing all of Rihanna's Anti acapella and from memory.....I don't even have the album. And who knew that Arizona had elk? The deer in Maryland ain't seeing them.
Needless to say, we made it to the Grand Canyon before the scheduled sunrise; however, the sun never rose from behind the clouds that day. Our efforts weren't completely wasted though. The pictures still look great! Every rock at the Grand Canyon looked to be perfectly chiseled by God. Standing in disbelief of our view, we ran into some folks who were in town for our same conference on being a travelpreneur. We ended up having a mini-photoshoot just after we sat in meditation.
Who would’ve thought that little ‘ol “Snow White” would be talking to God at the top of the canyon? Ha! How could I not thank God for my growth and the ability to be able to see his many wonders of the world. Blessings! In the movie, Robin (played by Lela Rochon) said that she wanted to own a house in Scottsdale. Who would’ve thought that I would be partying on a pool in Scottsdale? Yes, on a pool. The pool was converted to a dance floor to accommodate our lifestyle celebration.
That's fruit juice in those cups....so what if it's fermented.
Out of all the fun we had, the best part about this trip was the reflection that we had after one day of our travelpreneur conference. I knew that dedicating 40 hours a week to my full-time job, a place that drained all of my being, would not help me to achieve anything but health issues due to all of the unnecessary stress. In Phoenix, I made up my mind to set an expiration date on all of the things making me unhappy. I finally admitted to myself that I was going to leave EVERYTHING making me unhappy. They say once it's said aloud, you have to commit because it becomes real. So, I gave myself two months to find a new job. And then it happened.....I exhaled!