I Quit to Live
Disclaimer: This post is technically not about a place that I have traveled. So, if you are reading this for an idea of a travel destination , please exit now. If you are reading this to find out about my journey, where I’m going, and why my traveling means so much, please continue reading.
The day before Father’s Day 2016 I had a major breakdown. That Saturday morning I woke up with the intention of attending a training session, but I couldn't get out of my bed. Not because I I didn't feel like it, but because I was fighting a spiritual battle. I knew that I needed more. I began questioning my purpose and feeling worthless since I was not doing anything to make a mark on life or even walking in my purpose. I was living for a paycheck at a place where I was not passionate. On the outside, I was keeping my composure, but in the inside I was sinking.
Now, I know that the devil is a lie so, I began praying that God remove the spirit of defeat and worthlessness and send me in the direction that He needs for me to go. Tears began falling uncontrollably and all I could do was grip my bible and keep praying. I hid my pain from most people but I was fighting a battle that only a supernatural power could handle. I would also tell some of my friends, "I’m not well with my soul." After hours of prayer and fasting, I finally fell asleep with peace.
Monday, June 20, 2016…..the day I kicked my faith into another gear.
I started my morning routine, per usual, wake up, pray, cry my way to work and have a "good" day. On this day, the unjust consequences and false accusations became completely unbearable. I returned all paperwork and equipment and followed the exit signs to my destiny....I QUIT!!
Without even comprehending what I had done, I drove straight to the only place that could ease my troubled mind…(my location will not be disclosed----> but everyone should have a war room/place). My car has been a sanctuary for me but when I need extra assistance I take it to my war [place]. Immediately upon arriving, I cried until I had no more tears left. I screamed and I apologized to God because I felt so guilty for disappointing my family, for quitting, for walking out. I felt defeated because they got the best of me, yet some how I felt in my spirit that God had something better for me. As soon as the tears stopped flowing, the sun started shining through my sun and moon roof and It is Well With My Soul started playing on my Pandora. I knew that I would be just fine so I regained my composure and finally drove home. On the way home, I felt myself smile again.
Sometimes my friends call me weird because I see hearts, i.e. leaves shaped like hearts, water spots shaped like hearts, chicken, etc. I also see a certain number sequence. Both of which serve as a reminder that God is with me. When I got home, the number sequence was literally written everywhere (on my thermostat as the temperature outside, the time, the cost of flights, etc.). Not to mention, I logged on to the 'Gram and every post (see below) was a reminder that there is a greater purpose for my life.
God was truly speaking to me to remind me that if He did it before, He could do it again! Back in 2013, my job had budget cuts and my entire department was eliminated unexpectedly (same company). I literally had no money. I remember being at the gas station and having to put my last $2 in my tank just so that I could make it home (which was around the corner or else I wasn't getting far). But God! Oh but God! I literally had a check in my mailbox. If He could bring me through that, He would definitely bring me through again.
But in 2016, I decided to take a walk and the sun never shined so bright to me. The air was never that fresh before. I found myself smiling at the old couples power walking. It dawned on me that these small wonders were the moments of life that I was missing out on. I suddenly had that feeling that I only got on vacation. I guess that's called freedom. I'm now free to live a purposeful life.
P.S. I saw this on my walk <3
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."